Sunday, 9 May 2010

cats and dogs

I have been rather concerened about Jeeves lately because he keeps disappearing (nothing to do with Vanishing Day Cream, if you've read my last post). Then, at midday, he'll turn up, blase as you please, as if nothing is wrong, covered in leaves from rolling in the garden and demanding his breakfast. Jeeves is my cat by the way, not my husband.

This errant behaviour in the feline species got me thinking about the difference between cats and dogs, which in certain respects parallels the difference between women and men. (As in, cats are vain, elegant and aloof; dogs are subservient yet lovable, if a bit stupid - you can make your own mind up which describes men and which women)

And then it occurred to me: dogs are like children, cats are like teenagers...

Dogs do as they are told without question, ask before they go out and turn up for meals on time...whereas cats are moody, recalcitrant creatures who never do as you ask and are always awkward, in their case usually with doorways or windows. You close the window/door, so the cat immediately wants it open again so it can go out. So you open it, and it's changed its mind and wants to stay in...

When Jeeeves rolled up, after asking him where he'd been all night, I found myself tutting and coming out with, 'I don't know, you turn up when you feel like it, you treat this place like a hotel and then you hide in the bedroom all day and I never see you...'

Of course I've given him the pep talk about the dangers of catnip, about how he must Say No and how, if he does stay out all night he musn't get into fights...

I'm sure I'm far too young to have a teenager...

Monday, 3 May 2010

Everything's Peachy

Reading several articles about Botox lately has got me thinking about the subject, added to which (gasp!) I'm forty-two this year.

A character in an Oscar Wilde play once confessed that she admits to being 'thirty nine when there are pink lampshades, forty when there are none.'

What is it about the dreaded Four-O that has us women making a bee-line for the serum counter at Boots and queing around the block for N07's Protect and Perfect beauty range, in the belief that a few drops of snake oil will magic away all our blemishes?

My favourite is the Day Vanishing Cream, a name that has infinately comic possibilities and could prove useful in awkward social situations, as in, you make an embarrasing faux pas at a party, but never mind, you have remembered to bring your Day Vanishing Cream with you.

Rub it on and you just disappear for twenty-four hours... Or more more long-lasting results, use daily for several years , by which time everyone will have forgotten who you are, never mind

the faux pas...Problem solved.